First days

Stunned… and elated

Gary did warn me that he got his last two wives pregnant within six weeks of them coming off the pill. I laugh in the face of Fate at that. Scoff. Ha-ha. After seven years of being off the pill and having been about to undergo IVF in April, I didn’t think it would happen. But three months later, here we are. Stunned. Shocked. This may have possibly happened a bit sooner than either of us expected (ok, probably much sooner than either of us expected), but there you have it. We’re the proud owners of a foetus.

So the last few days have been a bit of a blur as my whole world has shifted on its axis yet again (it’s been doing a lot of that lately). Lots of excitement, a lot of anxiety, phone calls and yoga. Will need to backtrack a bit though:

Wednesday 13 September

Woke up at 4:45am. Still no sign of period. Starting to get a bit concerned as it was due last Saturday. I have been late before but what concerns me is that the PMT has come and gone… and hasn’t come back. And have been feeling cold. Got the pregnancy test out of the cupboard where I had banished it months ago after continuing disappointment, did the test (do you know how hard it is to aim at that absorbent strip on the stick when you’re busting for a wee? Especially when you’re not fully awake?) and waited the allotted five minutes for the result. But even after three minutes I could see that both blue lines were coming up – accusingly dark. Check the instructions again just to make sure. Heart stops. Shit. I am pregnant. And Gary’s in Nepal for three weeks. And I can’t tell anyone. But this is big. Really big. Humongous in fact. Oh my God.

Walked around stunned for most of the day. Went down to Fairfield to do a bit of shopping and go to the library and borrow books on pregnancy, lots of books. Books are my friend. And maybe the overloading of information will keep the terror at bay. Of course it just managed to freak me out instead.

Started telling strangers in the street, the travel agent (can I squeeze in a trip to Europe before my mum finds out?). The news was just bursting out of me. I think it was a way of dealing with the shock. Sadly I came to my senses the next day when I shelved my plans for Europe for a few years. How old do you think the kid should be before we go backpacking?

I was catching up with an ex work colleague for drinks at 6pm. The poor thing was the recipient of all my confidences, being the first friend I saw after discovering my change in circumstances and it all came tumbling out. Lucky she was very gracious and excited and had confidences of her own to impart, so it’s all good. Had my first herbal tea in a bar. If I had known that the 2001 Riesling I had had the night before was going to be my last glass of wine, I would have enjoyed it more.  God I was dying for a glass of wine but I was brave. Still waiting for my taste buds to go off alcohol and coffee…

My first thoughts were to not tell Gary until he came back, let him enjoy his trip in peace, blah, blah, blah. Well, that noble sentiment lasted for all of about half a day, until the initial shock wore off. I thought, I can’t tell anyone else until I tell him. And if I can’t tell him I will be a blithering mess by the time he gets back and will have burst. Not a good look when you’re trying to keep the house clean.

I thought that he wouldn’t be back in mobile phone range until he was back in Kathmandu on Saturday but he sent me an sms at 12:45pm on Thursday, so the village where they are doing their community project must still be in range. Ergo I rang.

We were cut off a couple of times as the signal faded out but it was so nice to hear his voice. I thought I had better hear his news first before I told him mine so he described the surroundings and the people. Sounds like he is having an amazing time. They had dug a 100m trench the day before for the water supply and the water tank had arrived the night before. He was standing amongst the goats and cows and chickens while talking to me. The weather was warm and cloudy (end of the monsoon season) and the villagers absolutely lovely. He was sharing a room with Foss and two girls. Usually it is the children’s room which doubles as the living room during the day.

After being cut off the second time I asked, ‘So, how serious were you about not finding out about being a father until you came back?’ We had joked about it on Saturday night at the farewell drinks that Mel had organised, after I’d downed that fourth champagne. It did have those pretty native hibiscus flowers in them that unfurled from the bubbles though…

‘It’s up to you, sweetheart. Why…?’

I started laughing – that nervous, high pitched, I can’t believe this has happened laughter, which after a stunned moment of silence he joined in to. I can’t remember what we said after that, but at least it meant I could tell my mum!

…who was ecstatic. ‘I feel like going out and buying some baby clothes. You have to tell your brothers.’

‘Shouldn’t I wait?’

‘Oh no, you should tell them now.’

Rest of the day passed in a blur. All that excitement can get tiring, so went to bed early and missed Melly’s sms that she sent via Gary’s phone at 23:28:

Ok ok ok he has been bragging all day! We are all very happy to hear the news. Big congrats. Melly xo

That cheered me up no end when I got up in the morning, still not quite believing I was pregnant. No morning sickness though. Mum says that if I haven’t had it by now, that I won’t be getting it. Yippee! Feel absolutely fine.

Went to my GP at 5:10pm to confirm. I’ve been seeing her for six years and she’s seen me through all the shit at work, my anxiety and depression, trying to conceive and referral to an infertility specialist, and the separation. She was absolutely stunned, but happy and referred my to an obstetrician at Francis Perry House (Royal Women’s Private).

Had lunch with some ex work colleagues on Friday at the Boathouse on the Maribyrnong River. Was dying to tell them my news but managed to contain myself, barely. It was especially hard when Angela walked in. She’s due in late October and I so wanted to tell her, as we had been going to the same infertility specialist and she and George were about six months ahead in their IVF than I had been. We had had many chats in the corridor supporting each other. And here she was with her first on the way. And so am I.

Visited Mark and Nicky for dinner on Friday night. Hadn’t caught up with them for ages. I finally got to see their three year old son, Finn, as a walking, talking human being. Absolutely adorable, and a little shy to start with. But I still got a hug and a kiss in the end.

‘So, what’s the news?’ Mark asked as I walked in.

‘Umm. I’m pregnant.’

‘Oh my God, so’s Nicky!’ Their second child is due in March. We had a great time talking baby talk with many amusing anecdotes and great advice. 

As Mark so eloquently put it: ‘Welcome to the Club’.

Saturday 16 September

Mum and I drove to Daylesford for the day. Beautiful weather. Good company. Some amazing revelations.

‘Is there a church near your place? We have to go to church next Sunday.’

‘I think there is. Why?’

‘I have been praying for this every day. And my prayers have been answered. Make sure you say a few Hail Marys’

‘So it’s your fault I’m pregnant!’

Received an sms from Gary at 12:41pm. They’d just had their first view of the mountains. WOW!They were back in Kathmandu after finishing their community project with a day to explore it before flying out to Luckla (45 mins), gateway to the Everest region.

Saturday night was John and Sophie’s (twins) 40th birthday bash in Sunbury. Great party. Big turnout. Lots of family and friends. First party without alcohol. Tell you what, people look funny when they’re drunk… and you’re not. Didn’t so much mind the not drinking as the getting tired because I wasn’t drinking.

Mum had asked me last night if I was going to tell Violet that night.

‘I think so. Why?’

‘So that I can tell Zosia! (Violet’s mum and her best friend). I’ll be seeing her at church on Sunday.’ I could tell she was desperate to tell everyone as well. Like mother, like daughter.

Violet’s reaction was great. She had dragged me to the spare bedroom to show me the taxidermisted (is that a word?) deer heads. They are these enormous, glassy-eyed monstrosities which Andrew (the host) had moved out of the lounge room at her urging. He couldn’t see the problem with them hangind there over everyone.

She opened the spare bedroom door and I started laughing. The room is quite small and there were three enormous deer heads mounted at differing levels on the three walls, all projecting substantially out into space, looming over the forlorn single bed covered with a floral quilt. Imagine the nightmares if someone had to actually sleep in that room staring up into those sightless eyes. So imagine my horror when towards the end of the night I realised one of the visiting children had gone to sleep in there. She didn’t seem to mind, though.

Still laughing I took her next door into the bathroom and said, ‘I’ve got a bit of news for you (pregnant pause – sorry, I couldn’t resist). I’m pregnant.’ She screamed and starting jumping up and down in excitement, almost crying and covering her mouth with her hands.

‘I’m so happy for you! You’ve waited so long! Can I tell Robert?’ (her husband)

‘Of course you can.’ We both jumped up and down for a bit longer, composed ourselves and comported ourselves as (not so) young ladies when we walked out.

John and Sophie looked so happy at their party. The food was awesome (as always) and the karaoke dangerous – but funny. Ended up leaving at around midnight for the long(ish) drive home.

Sunday mum was going to come over so that we could do a bit of writing (translating Tata’s diaries from 1944 onwards. A project that’s been put on hold over the last few months but is about to start up again), but she rang in the morning to apologise and tell me she had forgotten that they were going to the Polish Club (in Albion), as today was the anniversary of Russia invading Poland in 1939. Tata had reminded her a few weeks ago and again that morning.

‘No, no. Obviously an important day. No problem.’ The weather was beautiful so went for a walk around St Kilda (had to buy a new journal) and had planned to go for a walk along the beach, but by the time I had written in my (old) journal sitting in a cafe opposite the beach in Port Melbourne, and had my apple juice, I was buggered so went home instead. But I think it’s important that I seriously considered the exercise. It’s a good start.

Gary is now out of communication range until Friday 29 September, so I’ll have to bunker down and go into waiting mode until then. In the meantime have been studying his itinerary like gospel, wondering how he’s going on this amazing journey, so far removed from normal life:

Gary’s journey: Day 8 Fly to Luckla

The flight is spectacular as we fly over the heavily terraced middle hills to this precipitous airstrip at 2866m, perched high above the Dudh Kosi river. Commence our trek on narrow trails through forests of blue pine and junipers to Pakding (2610m).

Trekking time: approx. 3 hours

Monday 18 September 2006

Day 9: Namche bazaar (3440m)

We climb on a trail that takes us past a waterfall, via villages and through magnificent forests before arriving at Namche Bazaar (3440m). The final climb to Namche is a real test of your fitness as the trail twists and turns steeply higher. You will be amazed at the loads carried up and down the trail by the many porters. This is your last chance for a hot shower, yummy feast or nightlife – take to the pool hall or video parlours.

Trekking time: approx. 6 hours (9km)

Last week I had shown Mum the itinerary and Intrepid Travel Trip Notes that Gary had left for me. She read all 12 pages including the information about visas, travel insurance, etc. which I had skimmed over.

She pipes up after studying it intently for quite some time, ‘Did you know he has to keep away from prostitutes otherwise he gets kicked off the trip?!’

‘What! I don’t remember reading anything about that!’

‘It says so right here.’ (In the very last sentence of the second last page: …Our group leader has the right to expel any member of the group if drugs are found in their possession or they use prostitutes.)

‘I don’t think that’s going to be a problem, Mum.’

Had two interviews today and in between called Gabrielle. We’d been playing telephone tag since Friday and I had left a message on her phone that I had a bit of news, so when I told her, she was rapt.

‘I thought you were going to tell me about your job offers. Not that you were pregnant! That’s fantastic!’

Tell you what, this bizzo about telling people is exciting but very tiring. I think I can pretty much stop telling people now for another few weeks. Or at least until Gary gets back. I’ve told enough people that it’s sunk in, well sinking in as much as not being able to see anything in front of me can do.

Went to preggo yoga (also known as Hatha yoga) last night and was in the preggo corner for the first time so that we could do the variations as required. I don’t quite see how I need to spread my knees rather than keep them flat against my chest when my bump is for a 4mm embryo, but better to be safe…

Ran into an acquaintance before yoga who couldn’t come because she had a cold. She had had a little boy about 8 months ago and has suffered from post partum depression since. We starting talking about it and she asked me to come over and visit today. So will go after the interview at 2:30pm.

Slept like a log. Probably because it was such a warm night that Flynn didn’t feel the need to invade under the doona and warm his icicle paws on my stomach like he normally does.

---